The Body of Christ?

Found this delightful article giving the biblical bonkers approach to diet and obesity, which gives an interesting twist to the recent debates about obesity and school dinners etc.
It's pretty much a 'WWJD' diet plan, or rather a 'what would Jesus eat?!'

Unfortunately, it seems the answer to this is 'mostly bread,' which for Christian Atkins aficionados is naturally going to provide a huge spiritual crisis.

The good news is, our Lord was apparently partial to a drop of red! ;-)

Confession

Early warning: This blog may get personal and raw. Those of a nervous disposition, or who feel uncomfortable with people talking about emotions should look away now.
Those of you who care about me, or who are just plain nosey - read on.

The confirmation service last night was everything I had hoped for and more. When I said I was feeling spiritually dry, that was only part of the story. Truth is, for a while i've felt like I've been struggling on so many fronts, spiritualy, emotionally, professionally. The problem with ministry is that it doesn't have the same boudaries as secular work. You can't leave work at home; if you are struggling spiritually, your work suffers, and there is a lot more self identity at stake. If something is not going well, everything gets knocked.
And I have been struggling - one of my Churches seems really disappointed with me, relationships are fraying, I'm feeling frustrated, unworthy and like I'm failing. And as much as i try and rationalise, to see the big picture, to recognise that people's expectations were too high or that I'm not God and can't achieve everything, there is still that niggling doubt at the back of my mind. What if my critics are right? What if I'm just not good enough?

This has been compounded by other youthwork related things - offhand comments from people I look up to that have been unintentional, off the cuff, but that have wounded me. Me being shy - which normally I manage to hide and get over - but recently i seem to have had a spate of foot in mouth hide me in the corner and ground swallow me up moments. Again I've been left feeling that I don't have an opinion worth hearing, and that even if I do I don't want to say anything for fear of it coming out wrong and looking foolish.

And how have i reacted to this? Mostly by switching off. I've not blogged, so I've not had to think. I've avoided people and situations that could be painful, I've busied myself so I don't have time to think, I've avoided God, and guess what - it hasn't worked. I also became lower, and more tired and more stressed- to the point where alarm bells were starting to go off - and I knew I had to start addressing things, but just didn't feel I had the resources to do so.

I reached crisis point a few days ago, when a dear friend twigged within minutes what was wrong, and was able to put me right on a few things. Other people will always have opinions of me that might not be what I would wish, that comes with ministy. But the one opinion of me that counts is God's, and that is the one opinion I had put to one side. Of course i know in my head the 'how God sees you,' speil - I'm a youthworker, for goodness sake, I deal with people who have low self esteem on almost a daily basis! But somehow, I needed it to sink in. Of course, having avoided God, I've been ministering in my own strength (hate that phrase, but can't better it just now) and getting things wrong, and feeling worse about myself.

So I've started reconnecting with God, if I am feeling spiritually dry, I'm the only person who can take responsibility for that and do something about it. And God's been talking back.
When we had a time of confession, as I prayed, I had a picture in my minds eye. It was of an anatomical heart, connected at the base, but ripped open down the middle. I knew the pain I had been in was in that picture, and as I confessed bad attitudes, anger and division with individuals, the heart 'zipped' up. The words that follwed were these:
" You bring pardon and peace to the broken in heart
Christ have mercy - Christ have mercy.

You make one by your spirit the torn and divided
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy."

There is hope yet!

Another great moment was that the bishop invited the congregation to use the water in the font to cross themselves to remind themselves of their own baptism. I took the opportunity to do so after communion, and as I re committed myself to Christ, the words "Christ claims you for his own," echoed round my head. I was reminded by something i once read by Mike pivilivichivichichivhi (or however you spell it!) He was pondering how differently people would treat you if when you got baptised God opened heaven up and said " n you are my child, and I'm really pleased with you" He then went onto point out that actually, Jesus has said exactly that through his death and resurrection. Post communion, this was really helpful, and some of the notion that God loves even me sank in a bit.

This was the prayer after communion, which I have stuck on my mirror to pray every day, because every word resonates.
"God of mercy,
by whose grace alone we are accepted
and eqipped for your service;
stir up in us the gifts of your Holy Spirit
and make us worthy of our calling;
that we may bring forth thr fruits of the spirit
in love and joy and peace;
Through Jesus Christ our Lord
Amen."

I'm still feeling a bit vulnerable and weak, but I think now I am more preapred to face some of the hard conversations and decisions I need to, because for the first time in months, i feel like God's the one with the steering wheel, the map and the compass.

More bishops than you can shake a big curley stick at!

So, today's a good one!

Went into a primary school expecting to have to give the hard sell on why Row:D would be great for the year 6 there, and within five minutes of being there, the Head said, "This sounds great, we've been waiting for someting like this for years, when can you come in?"

God really prepared the ground on that one!

Also really excited about the confirmation tonight, the young people getting confirmed are a great bunch, and it's going to be great to see them take this step. Also Bishop Steven is normally good for a sermon, so again, very exciting. (Never seen two bishops in one week before - I wonder if you could turn it into a game, bishop bingo, or something?) Wish everyone always felt like this about going to Church!!

Doing the Lambeth Walk

Well, I have finally gotten round to blogging about last weekend, which as weekends go was quite a good one.

Ian McDonald and myself took a group of young people from the diocese to Lambeth palace to meet the Archbishop and engage in some reflection around 'food for the journey;' looking at the place of the Bible and Holy Communion in your Christian journey.

Some of the highlights -
The presentations by the young people to the whole group after the discussions. They were so creative, profound and inspiring. It made me glad and lucky to be part of their journey.

The interaction between the young people and Rowan Williams. He was very approachable, easy to talk to, and was able to engage with them well. It was great to see how many of them gave spontaneous gifts at the end of their presentations, albeit in a very tongue in cheek way, but it was so comfortable, and not awkward in any way.

Getting to know the folks in out group - so encouraging to meet other young people with a vision and a passion from around the place. Also getting to know some other youthworkers, particularly a woman called Annie from Guilford dioscese. Her comittment, and her love were so tangible, I reckon her youth are really lucky!

On a personal note, the teaching worship and communion were deeply appreciated and needed by me. I have been feeling spiritually so dry recently, and I realised that I had not had a chance to be taught or worship in a context where I was not involved in some way since Easter day. I know this is a struggle for many youthworkers, and if any of you who drop by have any handy tips and hints, I'd be gald to hear them!

Terrible thing, envy

Well, one of my young people has had their work experience confirmed, and I have to say, I am envious. She is a budding electronic engineer, and has landed a stint working at McLaren.

On the McLaren F1

HOW


COOL


IS THAT?


I have to say though, since she landed this, her popularity with boys in the youth group has risen exponentially, and I am very disappointed with their obvious shallowness and cynicism. I think I may have to do a session to combat this.
I am also concerned that the transition from school to the workplace could prove very stressful for the girl in question, and combined with her being a young female in a male dominated environment, I feel that perhaps I should arrange to visit her, just to show my support and pastoral care, and maybe see if I can wangle a test drive.
I am also thinking that it would be a positive step to campaign for a 'take your youth worker to your work experience day and let them tinker with interesting things and sit in and drive impossibly cool cars,' I can really see it taking off and being a valuable excercise.

Ok, Ok, I know, but a girl can dream, can't she?

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!