No sex, please, we're teenagers!

I managed to catch the programme last night on BBC2 where 2 Christian youthworkers take 12 teenagers from very different backgrounds, and pop them into the 'Romance academy,' where they agree to abstain from sex for 5 months, and take time to explore issues around relationships, sex and their identity.

The programme was really good, with some great material to use in sessions with youth groups.
Attitudes to sex were really interesting - they had generally lost their virginity while drunk -(one in a toilet "it just sort of happened," HOW romantic!) and generally regretted it, saying 'it's not what is cracked up to be.'

One girl (with many nods from the others) seemed to feel cheated by the media portrayal of sex, saying that it seemed so easy, like it was what the relationship was ALL about ultimately, and it always was 'perfect.' "It's just not like that in real life." I wonder how many of our young people are under the same illusion?

The weekend away where some of them got plastered and a bit frisky also threw into relief the role alcohol plays in casual sex - and in general bad decision making!

Another good discussion starter was around sex as entertainment. It was soemthing to DO - and very few of them seemed to have any concept of it being some kind of 'relationship glue,' and where they DID, it wasn't " if we have a great relationship, then introducing sex could make it stronger and a REALLY great relationship. It was the heart breaking, " If we have an attraction, sex might mean he sticks around." (my words, not theirs, but that was the attitude some of them had).

It was also really encouraging to see how many of the young people had greater self esteem and felt more respected for not just doing it, even after only a few months.

So that's the useful stuff for the youth group - what about the Christian side, the youthworkers, the Church bit and the spiritual bit?

Dan put his foot in it early on by calling sex 'whoopsie,' which was deeply cringy, and he got the mick taken out of him something CHRONIC - but in his defense, the young people were able to pick up on it, and bond around it. Although it was embarrasing, it didn't seem to do any major damage, and actally served as an ice breaker! However, I'm certain ANYONE who ever knows or meets the bloke will never, ever, let him forget he said it!!

The Christian content was initially pretty low key, and the young people seemed to appreciate the approach taken by Rachel and Dan, in that they were up front about about where they were coming from, but not expecting the young people to do that themselves.

This changed RADICALLY, however, when they went over to the US to join a charismatic evangelical youth congregation and live with Christians, and go to Church serices, where people were waving arms in the air, going for Holy Spirit laying on of hands in a big way. Some of the young people were REALLy uncomfortable with this - but one guy had an experience which impacted him profoundly.

There were bits that really grated with me, I have to confess - the American Pastor, sitting facing the rows of uk teens as an informal discussion - not listenening to them, speaking over them, not taking their views on it was SUCH a "I know everything, I will impart my wisdom and you will learn" and my sympathies were very much with the teenagers, who were making some very good points, that weren't even being acknowleged. Don't even get me started on the ridiculous statement of 'you shouldn't date unless you're looking to get married' and the going up stairs analogy. Guff.

At first, I was secptical about WHY they took them to the services. Was this wise? Were they trying to convert them by stealth? Is that ok, or would a less in your face approach have been better?
Well - they knew they would be attending Church, so it wasn't 'by stealth' in that regard - but maybe they could have been better prepared - many of them didn't know what all the hands in the air stuff was, and it least if that could have been explained to them before hand, they might not have felt quite so weireded out by it.

The three girls who came out said it wasn't what they were expecting, they were expecting 'like in Britain where people just sit, and like, read from a book and listen and stuff,"

So what does that say about how we relate to youth in Church services? Is it bad that the girls found it too much - is familiar better?
I'm divided on this one. Initially, I felt a bit 'ooh, I don't know about this,' I wondered if it would really alienate the group from Christianity, if the youth workers weren't also trying to convert the young people, and if that was the honest thing to be doing?

On the other hand, part of me felt it was comparable to taking none Churched youth to Soul Survivor. Some find it hard to understand and initially feel alienated - but slowly, they start to 'get' what is going on. (not always, obviously - and that needs acknowleging, and dealing with appropriately).
Also, I'm not sure I know many adults, and even fewer young people who would go to a 'read from a book and listen,' service and come away with much of any reaction, much less feel that they had encountered something bigger, something more, something 'amazing, and awesome.'
We know that Christ DOES provoke a divided reaction - he did in life, he did in death, and he does in his resurection life today. "To one we (Christians) are the smell of death, to others, the smell of life." (2 Cor 2:16) That's not an excuse to delberately naff people off or treat them badly - but is it worth considering if doing something that could provoke negative responses as well as positive responses is worthwhile; particularly if provoking a negative reaction that can then lead to discussion which could enable growth is better than no reaction that allows people to stagnate where they are? It's probably down to how it handled.

I also found that while it was probably part of a strategy to get the teens to grow spiritually - even 'convert,' them, I've come round to thinking that's no bad thing.
Sex is about your whole self, mind, body, emotions, spirit. For Christian youth workers to have tried to tack it in as a 'God thought,' at the end would have been disingenous. They have stated explicity that the young people have to choose throughout, whether to keep the pledge, or break it, whether to engage with the services, or leave them, whether to decide to wait for marriage, or until a serious relationship shows up - and at every stage, they have been clear that whatever the young people choose, that's ok with them. If it was coming over as 'you have to conform, or we won't like you,' I'd be worried, but it doesn't, and I'm not.
Also - if we are serious about Christ, ANY Christian needs to be open to sharing their faith however they can as the opportunites present themselves, and not shy away from it, cos it's on telly and people might think it looks a bit stupid. Sometimes God asks people to do stuff that looks foolish to other people, and that takes us WAAAAY out of our comfort zones. Ask Noah, Joshua, Gideon, or manymanymany others if you don't believe me. The western Church is too tied into being comfortable, not challenging things, not rocking the boat, and we need a good, God sized poke. (to be clear, I'm not proscribing that that means everyone needs to become charismatics, ok? We just need a poke.)

Ok, sorry, rant over.
I was gald that Dan and Rachel were able to engage with the spirituality, as they were obviously comfortable with it, and to me it showed an integrity about them as people which I respect. I know it's not everyone's spirituality, and I know they will probably get knocked for that, but I'm glad they had the guts to honestly be themselves, and not try to be something they weren't infront of the young people. In front of millions of people.

It was a really good show - I'll be watching the next one!